Chinese To English Translation: Literally Screwed Up

[I first wrote this on Saturday, 4 April 2009, after discovering this literally screwed up Chinese to English translation on the Internet.]

Chinese-English and English-Chinese translations are often required in the region of the world where I stay. If you're fluent in both English and Mandarin you can earn quite a fair bit by being a translator or interpreter for this particular language pair. I heard that in Malaysia, to be a court interpreter for Chinese, you have to speak fluent Mandarin plus two dialects and also be proficient in written Chinese.

Anyway, here's something I got from the Internet, which illustrates the pitfalls of translating directly word by word without knowing the context and cultural background. The Mandarin Chinese original text is perfectly okay. But the accompanying English translation is, how to say, literally screwed up. There's also another translation in proper English [enclosed within square brackets] for reference.

Dear Wang litte sister:
親愛的王小姐
[Dear Ms. Wang:]

From see you one eye, I shit love you.
自從看到你的第一眼, 我便愛上你。
[It was love at first sight.]

Your eyes close, I die; your eyes open, I come back to live.
Your eyes close and open again and again, I die again and again.
妳的眼睛閉上，我就死了，你的眼睛打開，我又活過來，妳的眼睛貶啊貶, 我就死去活來 ?
[My life begins and ends with every blink of your eyes.]

Maybe you do not remember me, no matter.
When you carefully look at me, you will one see clock.
也許你不記得我 ,沒有關係 ,當你仔細看著我，你就會一見鍾情
[You probably don't know me, but it's okay.
Once you have a chance to get to know me you will fall in love with me.]

I think l should introduce myself to you.
我想應該介紹一下自己。
[I should introduce myself.]

I call Li big great. Toyear 25
我叫李大偉 ,今年 25
[My name is Li Da Wei (David Lee) and I'm 25 years old.] (Note: Li Da Wei could be David Lee as Da Wei is a close approximation of David)

(今天是 today,那麼今年就是 toyear.至於偉就翻成 great吧！ )
["Jin Tian" is "today", so "Jin Nian" should be "toyear". "Wei" should be translated as "great"!]

My home have four mouth people-papa, mama, I and DD.
我家有四口人 ..爸爸、媽媽、我和弟弟。
[I come from a lovely family of four.] (Note: He could have added "Dad, Mom, me and a younger brother" after "... family of four".)

I am a good man, in a big company work.
我是一個好男人，在一家大公司上班。
[I am a good man and am currently employed in a large corporation.]

I do early fuck every day, so that I can have strong body to protect you.
我每天都做早操，這樣我會有強壯的身體來保護你。
[I can protect you with my strong body as I exercise vigorously every morning.]

Please come to eat and sleep with me, or I will cut my hair to be a monk, and find a place where many monks live in to over my life;
請嫁給我吧 ,否則我將削髮為僧 ,找個廟來了此一生。
[Please marry me or I will be forced to become a monk and live a life of solitude.]

(實在想不起「嫁」字怎麼翻譯，好在頭腦靈光 , 嫁過來不就是和我吃住在一起。至於「廟」字 ,也不會翻譯，不過很多和尚住在一起的地方，就是廟。 )
[Actually (I) can't figure out how to translate "jia 嫁" (marry), fortunately in a fit of inspiration, (I reckoned that) after "jia" wouldn't (you be) staying together with me? As regards "miao" (temple), (I) also can't translate (it), but it's a place where many monks stay together, that's a "miao".]

Like Your people
喜歡妳的人
[The man who loves you]

Some comments from people who read this horrible translation:

(1)…… 原來[做早操]的英文是 make early fuck…… ( 汗...)
[(Just realized that) "zuo zao cao 做早操" means "make early fuck" in English... (sweat...)]

(2) The guy wrote an English valentine letter to his love. Problem is he used a Chinese to English dictionary and translated word by word. What he meant to write was :

Source:
http://www.ainur-guild.org/forums/viewtopic.php?p=54948&sid=4c7d92ea530469ff7d9779a4920af3b2