Cantonese Joke: Ah Por Gong Wa Jau Yam 阿婆讲话走音 (Mature Audiences Only)

First in a series of 阿婆讲话走音 Ah Por Gong Wa Jau Yam jokes.

This clearly illustrates the pitfalls of not pronouncing Cantonese with the correct tones. Every word you say must be correct in tone and sound, otherwise the meaning changes dramatically as you can see from this Granny Speaks Out Of Tone joke.

從前有一個住係海邊的亞婆，有一日佢見到兩個人跳海，佢去救左其中一個人，而另一個救唔到。咁佢就打999報警。電話一通，
chungchin yau yatgo jyu hai hoibin dik apo, yau yat yat keui gindou leunggo yan tiu hoi, keui heui gau jo keijung yatgo yan, yi ling yatgo gau mdou. gam keui jau da 999 bou ging. dinwa yattung,
Earlier there was a Granny staying near the seaside, one day she saw two people jumping into the sea, she went and saved one but couldn't save the other. So she called 999 to make a police report. When the phone call went through,

婆婆就問：喂！系唔系鳩鳩鳩呀?(婆婆想問系唔系999)
popo jau man: wai! hai m hai gau gau gau a? (popo seung man hai m hai 999)
Granny asks: Hello! Is this dick dick dick? (Granny wants to ask "Is this 999")
個差佬就答：乜撚野鳩鳩鳩呀？
go chaailou jau daap: mat lan ye gau gau gau a?
The policeman answers: What the cock is dick dick dick?
婆婆就話勒：有人屌"high"丫！（有人跳海）
popo jau wa lak: yau yan diu "high" a! (yau yan tiu hoi)
Granny says: Someone's fucking cunt! (Someone jumped into the sea)
個差佬就講：人地屌西關你撚事呀？
go chaailou jau gong: yan dei diu hai gwaan nei lan si a?
The policeman says: What the heck does other people fucking got to do with you?
婆婆又話：一個有鳩，一個無鳩呀！（一個有救，一個冇救）
popo yau wa: yatgo yau gau, yatgo mou gau a! (yatgo yau gau, yat go mou gau)
Granny then says: One's got a dick, the other doesn't! (One saved, one not saved)
差佬就答佢：屌西當然要一個有鳩，一個冇鳩嫁啦!!!
chaailou jau daap keui: diu hai dongyin yiu yatgo yau gau, yatgo mou gau ga la!!!
The policeman then answers: Fucking cunt of course means one's got a dick and the other doesn't!
婆婆就講：無鳩的叫得好大聲丫。
popo jau gong: mou gau dik giu dak hou daai seng a.
Granny then says: The one with no dick screamed very loudly.
差佬又答佢：叫床丫嘛，糟到你咩！亞婆，你之前食撚左乜野?
chaailou yau daap keui: giu chong a ma, jou dou nei me! apo, nei jichin sik lan jo matye?
The policeman then replies: Lovemaking sounds, does it bother you? Granny, what the hell did you eat earlier?

Source:
http://hkg.westkit.net/?p=v&id=2272736

Vadivelu Tamil Comedy: Tar Road Joke

Tamil Comedy: Vadivelu Tamil Joke - Tar Road

மீண்டும் வடிவேலு, பார்த்திபன்..
miiNdum vadiveelu, paarththiban..

“பார்த்தி.. இது என்ன ரோடுப்பா?”
"paarththi.. idhu enna rooduppaa?"
“தார் ரோடு”
"thaar roodu"

“ம்க்க்ஹும்.. இந்த ரோடு எங்க போகுதுன்னு கேட்டேன்?”
"mkkhum.. inda roodu engga pooguthunnu keetteen?"
“எங்கேயும் போகலை.. இங்க தான் இருக்கு”
"engeeyum poogalai.. ingga thaan irukku"

“ம்ம்… சரி.. நான் தெளிவா கேக்கிறேன். இந்த ரோடு எந்த ஊர்களுக்கு நடுவுல இருக்கு?”
"mm... sari.. naan theLivaa keekkiReen. inda roodu enda uurgaLukku naduvula irukku?"
“உள்ளூருக்கும் வெளியூருக்கும் நடுவுல இருக்கு.”
"uurLuurukkum veLiyuurukkum naduvula irukku."

“ப்ப்ச்ச்… இந்த தார் ரோட்டுக்குன்னு ஒரு பேரு வச்சிருப்பாய்ங்கல்ல.. அதச் சொல்லுயா..”
"ppss... inda thaar roottukkunnu oru peeru vachchiruppaaynggalla.. adhas solluyaa.."
“அப்படித் தெளிவா கேளு.. அப்போதானே கரெக்டாச் சொல்ல முடியும்…”
"appadit theLivaa keeLu.. appoothaanee karektaas solla mudiyum..."

“அதத் தானே தெளிவா மொதல்லருந்து கேட்டுக்கிட்டு இருக்கேன்.”
"adhat thaanee theLivaa mothallarundu keettukkittu irukkeen."
“என்ன கேட்டே?”
"enna keettee?"

“இது என்ன ரோடு?”
"idhu enna roodu?"
"இது தார் ரோடு."
"idhu thaar roodu."

பா எத்தணை வகைப்படும்? அவையாவைன்னு சொல்லு?
paa eththaNai vagaippadum? avaiyaavainnu sollu?

ஐந்து வகைப்படும் சார் அவை ஆசிரியப்பா, கலிப்பா, வெண்பா, வஞ்சிப்பா, படையப்பா.
ainthu vagaippadum saar avai aasiriyappaa, kalippaa, vanjippaa, padaiyappaa.

Source:
http://www.facebook.com/notes/tamil-tamil/cirikka-cintikka-nakaiccuvaikal-funny-jokes/397168059709

Tamil Comedy & Astro Coincidence

By the power of Muruga, it can't be mere coincidence! I sent Ramesh a link on Facebook to a Sathyaraj & Vadivelu comedy about cricket player selection. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsHldlHmDQw

Immediately I got an SMS greeting from Ramesh. I replied and told him about the link. Io and behold, he replied saying he was watching Siri Siri Tamil Comedy on ASTRO and that exact comedy clip was playing! What a coincidence!

Tamil Comedy தமிழ் காமிடி: Senthil, Goundamani, Vadivelu and Vivek

Four famous Tamil comedy actors are Senthil, Goundamani, Vadivelu and Vivek. Thanks to Ramesh for introducing me to these comedians.

Senthil and Goundamani often act as a pair, something like Laurel and Hardy. They've been around since the early 1980s, making many people laugh with their comic antics and funny dialogues (in Tamil, of course).

Vadivelu comedies are more of action and slapstick. Even if you don't understand Tamil you'll laugh when watching his video clips. Poor Vadivelu always seems to get into trouble with baddies bashing him up at every corner.

Vivek's comedy relies a lot on wordplay, situations and dialogue. You really need to understand Tamil to catch the jokes and comedy in his videos. Satire's the keyword.

In Malaysia you can catch them on Siri Siri Tamil Comedy if you have Astro.