Today is the day before Chinese New Year in the Gregorian Year 2012. I should be feeling happy, right? Yet I'm not. Unlike the festive seasons of a few years ago, somehow this year I don't feel like celebrating anything. Not even the most recent Christmas and New Year.
I don't know if this is a temporary setback or a state of regression. I do remember that some years ago there was a time when celebrations and festivals meant nothing to me. Because I was very down and hurting inside due to certain issues. Then came a point when my life changed for the better and I started celebrating again, looking forward to each festival.
Even as "recent" as two years ago I was happy to celebrate. I felt optimism and eagerness. But was it due to ignorance? In the two years after that, I went through some disasters. That really caused deep hurt not of the physical type but rather the inner type. I don't think I've fully recovered while I'm writing this blog post.
The wise say, when you have to move on, move on. Yet there's something about me that holds me back. It's sentimentality and the memories still fresh in mind.
Some who talk to me, manage to help somewhat, a few who do, end up making things worse. That's why I rather not talk to some people. As the saying goes, those who really know you, know you; those who don't, don't know any better.
今日係除夕。應該開心嗎，呵？不過唔係喎。唔係好似幾年前嘅節日，今年我乜都唔想慶祝。正話過咗嘅聖誕節同埋公曆新年都冇慶祝到。
我唔知呢個情況係暫時或者真係退步。我記得幾年前有一段時間乜嘢乜嘢節日慶祝對我冇意思。嗰陣時我好傷心好激心為咗幾件事。然後我嘅生活變好咗，有啲事情有進步，所以開始慶祝每個節日。
兩年前我仲係好開心慶祝。覺得有樂觀有熱心。但係。。唔通我真係無知？最近嘅兩年，我面對唔少災難。整到我好痛，唔係肉體上嘅痛，係內心嘅痛。而家寫緊呢個部落格發佈嘅時間，我好似未好嗮。
有智慧嘅人講：唔好再鑽牛角尖。但係有啲嘢我仲係過唔到。係感傷同埋好清楚嘅記憶。
有啲人同我傾偈，可以幫到，幾個噉樣做，點知呢就越整越衰。所以呢，一啲人我唔想同佢哋講嘢。嗰啲真係識得我就會了解我，嗰啲唔識嘅呢，唔會識。
*NOTE: In case of any discrepancy between the English and
the Cantonese version of this blog post, the English version shall
prevail. I'm not good at expressing myself in Cantonese or any form of
Chinese, written or spoken. /
如果英文版及中文（廣州白話）版有任何差異，一切以英文版為準。我唔係好識用廣州白話或者任何中文嘅語言，無論係話或者文。
