Now it's the middle of February and time to update this blog. The past couple of months have been tumultous, to say the least. I wish I had better news to tell, but it wasn't meant to be. Tons of disillusionment and bad feelings came together at once. It's been many years since I last felt this way. And it's not something easy to talk about.
People say "time will heal". I don't know how long that'll take in my case. From personal experience, a lot of things that worked with other people don't work for me. The disconnect is something not easily described or explained. What works for other people doesn't necessarily work for me and vice versa.
On the bright side, the few people truly close to me are doing well and I'm happy for them. At least I know they have succeeded to a great extent. As for me, I can't say the same. All I can say is that I made some wrong choices and paid the price of losing my happiness, optimism, and cheer factor. I need to get these three things back, somehow.
Any changes? Yes, in some ways. I gave up a hobby I used to enjoy even during times of trouble and stress. This hobby sustained my sanity during a time of great uncertainty and loneliness. Not anymore. Now it only brings back memories of disappointment, failure, and heartbreak. I told myself I shall not go and participate in it unless either one of two conditions are fulfilled. Condition One is fulfillable but not in my hands. Chances of Condition Two being fulfilled are less than me winning the lottery. As long as neither condition is fulfilled, I'm not going.
There's also a certain type of event which many people look forward to, but I told myself I won't go for it this year. For this one, I would make some exceptions, depending on the people involved and whether going there would remind me of disappointment, failure, and heartbreak or not. I see one upcoming exception I'll make, but as for the others chances aren't so high.
And if anyone is wondering what I'm talking about here, well, only those who really know me would know. Those who don't, won't. Alright that's all folks for today. "Have a great weekend peeps" (quote borrowed from someone I used to know, but no longer keep in touch).
[Note: No Cantonese version for this post. I've neither the time nor the energy to create/think/compose/do up the Cantonese translation. Drained.]
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