Thoughts on my dancing and participation in the local salsa scene

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Background Story

In recent weeks I have been having so many thoughts on my participation in the local salsa dance scene. I need to address them and settle what needs to be settled.

I've been finding it hard to feel satisfied after a dancing night out. And this is coming from someone who started salsa-ing way back in 2000, a slow learner who took three to four times longer than others to learn the basics, and used to enjoy it very much especially in the USA. I have been in the local scene since my return in 2003 and yes, I've seen a lot of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I'd say the years from 2005 to 2009 and then from 2010 to 2011 were good overall for me. To summarize, those were the Golden Years. But of course, good times never last, bad times do and will happen.

In fact for a period of time, the year 2012 and most of 2013 specifically, I withdrew myself from the scene due to severe dissatisfaction and disillusionment. Things happened that threw me down to a very low point in my life and I didn't want to be reminded of my failures by seeing those who succeeded where I failed.

Only after my life got better did I come back gradually. But I wasn't the same anymore. I didn't feel the need to dance as many dances as possible. I became picky, choosy, selective about many things - the songs, the persons, the potential connection, things like that. If I got three or four satisfying dances, that fulfilled my satisfaction quota for the night and I would go home unless I felt like hanging around and catching up with acquaintances or friends.

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These are the thoughts I've had that bug me (in no particular order):

Why I don't dance often anymore.
Whether I should quit dancing Bachata.
Whether I should take classes or workshops.
Why am I into the salsa dance scene. My motivations and reasons.
When should I stop dancing altogether.
Whether I should go for any major salsa event or not.
Whether I should take up Kizomba.
Why am I not talking much most of the time.

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Why I don't dance often anymore. Reasons why I do not dance much at times:

I don't like the music. This is of course a very subjective matter. What I don't like, other people may like, and vice versa. I could say that a particular song is damn boring, repetitive, long-winded, hard to catch and so on, but someone else might say it's damn good.
The gender balance is skewed. Not enough girls, in simple straightforward language.
Not enough people to dance with.
I don't like the person. Again for whatever reason, maybe because we don't have a good connection, or maybe because that person is an asshole or something. But if I'm asked I usually just go through the motions for the sake of social harmony. But I try to avoid if possible.
I'm not feeling well. If this is the case I wouldn't go out unless I want to just meet a friend or some acquaintances.

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Whether I should quit dancing Bachata.

At one time I learnt quite a fair bit of nice leadable Bachata moves. But of late, I have been losing interest in Bachata. Maybe there's no connection with my partner? Maybe I forgot how to do some of the moves I learnt? Maybe I feel there's too many Bachata songs being played in a row? Maybe most of the dances I've had aren't satisfying?
I know Bachata is popular, but I somehow can't do it as well as I do Salsa. Perhaps only one dance in three, four, or five is satisfying. Often, none.
Unless I somehow rediscover the satisfaction in dancing Bachata, most probably I'm on my way out.

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Whether I should take classes or workshops.

To be honest, I enjoyed the upper beginner and pre-intermediate classes in those days. But after reaching the intermediate level of classes, I just didn't enjoy the class anymore. To be fair they do have some cool routines, but I hated shines and wasn't interested in half the things in class. So I lost motivation and stopped going after a while.
The short simple answer: Most probably not, because I don't enjoy taking class anymore.

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Why am I into the salsa dance scene. My motivations and reasons.

I should address the difference between these two general categories of dancers:
Those who want to challenge themselves with difficult stuff, do performance, go competition, take advanced stuff and whatnot, and
Those who just want to learn the basics and a usable, leadable, memorizable repertoire of favourite moves and cool stuff that is not too difficult to acquire, and strictly for the purpose of social dancing.

I belong to the latter group. I hate the stress and pressure of forcing myself to be what I am not. I joined dancing to reduce stress levels and I don't need any extra stress to screw me up.
Otherwise what's the whole damn point of dancing? If it gives me more stress, I might as well do something else instead.

I told myself I will not do performance or competition or anything that is difficult to grasp and gives me hell lot of stress and pressure. That's non-negotiable.
I will only do as much as I can take without getting stressed out.
I will only do what I want to do. I pick and choose.

A lot of those who are really into dancing dance because they love the dance, they want to challenge themselves, to perform, to excel, to express themselves and so on. It's all good and I respect that.

But for me, my goals and motivations are not the same.

I go into dancing purely for the social aspect, human connection, and in the good old days, to reduce stress. To get to know people. That is why solo dancing never attracted me. Then again my definition of reduce stress may be very different from other people.

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When should I stop dancing altogether.

If I feel I'm not getting what I want from it, then it's time to get out and do something else.

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Whether I should go for any major salsa event or not.

Again, I doubt I can dance to the maximum for three nights in a row. After a few songs I'll just be recycling moves. And perhaps a bad experience I had during SISF 2010 affected my mind regarding the kinds of songs to expect. Please save me from those damn boring repetitive 8-minute long songs! 
As I'm a guy, I won't benefit from going to major events compared to the girls. They can dance with all the superstars and shine as a result, but I will run out of moves if I were to dance with the stars. The only good thing I can think of for a guy is having to improvise on the spot and hoping for a good connection.
As for workshops during events, it's very draining to go to all of them, and I am not keen on perhaps half of what's offered. And from other people's experience, they end up unable to retain 50% of what they learnt.
Only plus point for motivation is the chance to meet up with acquaintances and friends I may not have seen for a long time.

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Whether I should take up Kizomba.

I like the music. But I don't know how to dance it. What's holding me back is that I have not picked up a new dance for years and I dread having to hit the learning curve again. It took me three to four times longer than others to overcome.
And perhaps my embarrassing experience with West Coast Swing made me very reluctant to start learning a totally new dance. I took a workshop consisting of two parts. The first part I could cope. The second part really killed me.
I couldn't absorb anything. Couldn't get the whole sequence of steps and moves into my mind. You know, it's like when you're studying and nothing enters your brain despite you forcing yourself to do everything to learn it. I don't want that to happen again.
Perhaps a slow, controlled entry into Kizomba would work. Perhaps.

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Now this, and it is not only salsa, is that quite often I don't feel like talking. If I feel like it and can click, then it's okay, otherwise I'm much more comfortable saying nothing.

Reasons why I do not talk much at times: (This is not necessarily a salsa thing, it can happen in any kind of social gathering or event)

The subject matter is something I don't care about.
The subject matter is something too deep or technical or not familiar to me.
The language used is not what I'm comfortable with. For example some people insist on using deep Mandarin with me when I only know basic stuff. Just because I look Chinese doesn't mean I can speak perfect Mandarin with all those indirect allusions and classical language from Confucius' time.
We just don't click for whatever reason.
The people are not friendly.
I'm mentally drained from a long day or whatever reason and the last thing I want to do is force myself to talk when I just want to sit back and relax.

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To Sum It Up

Perhaps I am fed up of the scene after being in it for too long. Perhaps I am rather opinionated on certain matters that affect my satisfaction level. Perhaps I have not been meeting enough of the right people. Of course I have met some nice people, but it's not enough to give me the motivation to continue dancing.

At the end of the day we may have to disagree on certain things. It's okay. I'm not you and you're not me. My motivations may not be the same as yours.

Finding A Dance Partner

[NOTE: I wrote this on 22 November 2005. Its content still holds much relevance today.]

Two hands are needed to clap. Can you clap with one hand? Catch mosquitoes, maybe can. Unless slapping your fingertips on your palm is considered clapping.

Much has been said about the dynamics and intricacies of finding a dance partner. I can tell you from experience that it's not easy.

First requirement part one: Same/similar dance goals. On my side, I want to dance for social purposes only. Not for competition, not for performance. So if you want to compete, find somebody else. If we have the same dance goals, then we can continue one step further.

First requirement part two: Very important. Must have same free time. Or at least must be willing to make time for each other.

So many people say they want to improve their dancing, to be a good dancer, etc. But when I offer my time to practice with them, they always say no time.

I say, "Either you don't have time or are not willing to make time, it's the same thing. It means you are not going to get to practice with me. Same net effect".

What's the point of starting a partnership if one party is neither able nor willing to make time for practice? Defeats the purpose. Might as well say "I'm not interested".

Therefore it makes sense that both parts of the first requirement must be fulfilled before we can even talk about other requirements. Reasonable, is it not?

Other requirements that follow would depend on the persons involved. Examples:
* Height and physique
* Level
* Status
* Smoking or not

A little on these points:

Some girls require that the guy be taller than themselves. Especially for salsa where the guy spins the girl a lot. Whereas in International Waltz, due to the nature of the dance, the girl can be taller than the guy without much problem.

As for dance level, better for both guy and girl to be at the same level, or the gap is not too wide. So that they can do together the steps they learn in class. Too large a gap, and it becomes more like a teacher-student thingy.

Status means that either partner may or may not be married or attached to a steady boyfriend/girlfriend. Assuming that jealousy is not an issue (and it should not be), the main contention here is priority of spending time. Of course, someone married or attached will have first commitments to family or significant other, with time to dance taking a back seat.

Smoking... For non-smokers, they may find it uncomfortable having to inhale secondhand smoke. And it's not fair to impose on one's partner, so better off getting someone who's a non-smoker if one can't stand smoke. (Myself included, I'd run away from smoky places asap).

After all has been said, I consider myself fortunate to have a dance partner for the past two months. Though we aren't going for competition, we make sure we have time for each other. We practice whatever we learn in class so that we will remember for a long time to come. Glad and appreciative is what I feel now. :)

Ting Ji Tiu Mou 停止跳舞

Since the middle of January 我已经停止跳舞。只系个一晚喺舞蹈室举办嘅 party 先有跳几场舞。果然冇嗮心嚟跳舞。 Granted I enjoyed the moments at the party, each and every one of them, but that doesn't mean that outings will be just as great.

到而家我仲未再去参加啲舞蹈活动。拜三拜五拜六嗰啲舞会我觉得冇趣。仲有几日就过年啦，之後就去中国湖南省旅行。返到嚟就月尾 so looks like 唔使去跳舞 for the rest of the month. 人哋觉得好有趣好 enjoy 嘅话， good for them, I'm glad they have fun and hope they continue to keep their interest going.

有人问我几时会出场？我嘅答案，唔知道几时，睇点先。 When I find back my 心 for 跳舞 I shall return. As long as 嗰个满意得唔到我唔爱去，因为挫败，尤其是阿哩也每次我去都系一样咁唔满意嘅。 Oh well. Just my opinion based on my experience. Others may differ, but they're not me, and they experience different things so that's their opinion based on what's applicable to them.

Bachata Notes From Class 20100109

Bachata Notes: (1) Contact points: a) arm b) side c) knee; close is needed for some cool moves. (2) When dipping, balance the weight / counter / centralize. (3) Shoulder lead for "boneka" head styling. (4) Empty right pocket.

Dance Quotes

Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~ Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Satisfactory Salsa Weekend

The recent Sultan of Selangor's Birthday weekend fell on a Friday and so the whole Kuala Lumpur road traffic got jammed like crazy. Which is why I stayed home the whole day, since I work in Selangor and had no need to go down to KL for any reason.

Anyway that's not the main point. I just want to note that I had a good time at salsa on Friday night and Saturday night after a series of disappointing mid-week outings. Let's just say that there was a good variety of dancers during the nights I felt were satisfactory enough to merit mention.

If there's something missing, it's that I didn't manage to dance with all the people that I wanted to dance with due to time constraints - I had to leave early on Friday night for a "tahnee" session with a group of non-salsa people at a non-salsa venue within walking distance. But given a choice between a salsa and a non-salsa event that clash, I'd pick the salsa event unless there are compelling reasons to go for the non-salsa one. 'Nuff said.