I just looked at some articles I wrote for publication years ago. Comparing them to more recent works, they seem to express a mood that has since gone missing. I need to rediscover the spark that makes them tick.
It's the cheer, optimism, and spirit that I need to rediscover. The flame snuffed out by a series of unfortunate events awaits rekindling. What could be the key? A new environment? A new beginning? A new way of thinking?
Chatted with a good old friend of mine who gave me some words of advice. Sometimes, it's not about going for what we love to do but unable to handle due to one reason or another. It may help to do something that we may not like at first but are able to handle, then see how things go from there.
Makes sense. I tell myself to find out as much as possible about the setting, environment, expectations, requirements and so on. Then take a step back and evaluate carefully. As I was advised to by someone close to my heart, "be more selective with..." Yes, it rings true.
At the same time there will be a lot of conflicting messages bombarding me from various sources. The way to sift through them relies on one's ability to discern what is truth and what is propaganda. May I see through deception and inaccuracy yet be able to accept the truth and work around it.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Spring Equinox 2012
Today, 20 March 2012 is the Spring Equinox in the Northern Hemisphere, and Autumn Equinox in the Southern Hemisphere. The sun rises exactly in the East at 90° and sets exactly in the West at 270°. Where I am in Kuala Lumpur, the sun will be near zenith at 1:21 pm at 87° above the southern horizon.
The direction of the shadows at sunrise shall indicate the East-West direction. So from what I see in the garden, my front gate is not exactly facing East, it's a couple of degrees towards East by South.
Note that due to the earth's axial tilt, there are only 2 days in a year where the sun rises precisely due east and sets precisely due west.
The direction of the shadows at sunrise shall indicate the East-West direction. So from what I see in the garden, my front gate is not exactly facing East, it's a couple of degrees towards East by South.
Note that due to the earth's axial tilt, there are only 2 days in a year where the sun rises precisely due east and sets precisely due west.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Funeral: Deja Vu & The Feeling Of Having To Be There
On Tuesday, 6 March 2012, I went to a place I last visited in March 2010: Xiao En Centre 孝恩馆. A salsera had passed away in tragic circumstances. She sustained severe head injuries in a car accident. I do not have any other details about the accident, but it definitely had a great negative impact. And she's only 25, so young with a lifetime ahead to look forward to. It will take time for the family members to heal from the grief.
She was a protege of a friend of mine in the salsa scene who has since moved away from KL. Yet I never had the chance to speak with her or dance with her. We went to different dance schools, mixed with different groups, frequented different venues so never got to meet. Now I shall never get to dance with her anymore.
So I can't say I know her. Not even a hi-bye acquaintance. Yet when news spread of her funeral, I felt I had to attend. I just had to be there. Something like lending a hand to support a cause in need. Can't really describe the feeling. Perhaps it's just me and my nature, as I can be moved in ways not common to other people. But of course I won't tell just anyone, because in this world many people will use what they know about you against you. That's the harsh reality of this world which I don't think I'll ever be on concilliatory terms with.
That evening after work, I headed home and had dinner. Followed my brother in his car, managed to get a basement parking spot. Walked up to the very place where Gung Gung's 公公 wake took place, almost two years to the day he passed away. It felt hauntingly familiar. Of all the memories, one that stands out was bumping into Architect Lee Chor Wah by chance as he was attending a funeral there. Ah, those were the days of another magazine. Time to get back on track.
A sombre mood filled the atmosphere. Teary eyes. Sobs. Hushed voices. I estimated 150-200 people at the time I arrived. So many people came to pay their last respects. Since it was a Christian funeral, it felt different from a Taoist or Buddhist funeral mainly due to the absence of joss sticks and "da jaai 打斋".
My brother and I walked to the coffin and spent some moments in contemplation and respect for the deceased. Flowers were everywhere - she liked flowers. Make-up set and some other items were on the coffin too. Must be things that belonged to her or she liked very much. These brought back memories of Porpor's 婆婆 cremation, we cremated some of her study books together with her since she really wanted to study despite her age and circumstances.
I did go up to the viewing portal, taking one last look at her in her state of eternal rest. Her face seemed a bit swollen, most likely caused by the injuries, and the upper left of her skull appeared caved in. I felt sad, imagining the severity of her wounds, and thought the impact must have been real hard. Otherwise she looked peaceful, nicely made up, and sleeping. Memories of Gung Gung 公公 came back.
Next we queued up for the "pak kam" 白金 offering and guestbook signing. No doubt money can't buy back life, but it's a gesture from the visitors' side to help defray the cost of the funeral. And then received the customary small red packet with a sweet inside.
We met some salsa acquaintances there, mostly from her salsa school and those who knew her for some time. Chatted briefly with some of them, and a common thread of thought was, such an unexpected incident and she's gone. I could see the tears in some of their eyes. The feeling of sadness is very real. Who else came - relatives, cell group members, friends from various times in her life, and so on.
All in all the occasion felt gloomy and subdued with an underlying current of deep sorrow. Yet it evoked something in me, and made me go out to take action towards closure. Yes, to end one thing and move on to another.
She was a protege of a friend of mine in the salsa scene who has since moved away from KL. Yet I never had the chance to speak with her or dance with her. We went to different dance schools, mixed with different groups, frequented different venues so never got to meet. Now I shall never get to dance with her anymore.
So I can't say I know her. Not even a hi-bye acquaintance. Yet when news spread of her funeral, I felt I had to attend. I just had to be there. Something like lending a hand to support a cause in need. Can't really describe the feeling. Perhaps it's just me and my nature, as I can be moved in ways not common to other people. But of course I won't tell just anyone, because in this world many people will use what they know about you against you. That's the harsh reality of this world which I don't think I'll ever be on concilliatory terms with.
That evening after work, I headed home and had dinner. Followed my brother in his car, managed to get a basement parking spot. Walked up to the very place where Gung Gung's 公公 wake took place, almost two years to the day he passed away. It felt hauntingly familiar. Of all the memories, one that stands out was bumping into Architect Lee Chor Wah by chance as he was attending a funeral there. Ah, those were the days of another magazine. Time to get back on track.
A sombre mood filled the atmosphere. Teary eyes. Sobs. Hushed voices. I estimated 150-200 people at the time I arrived. So many people came to pay their last respects. Since it was a Christian funeral, it felt different from a Taoist or Buddhist funeral mainly due to the absence of joss sticks and "da jaai 打斋".
My brother and I walked to the coffin and spent some moments in contemplation and respect for the deceased. Flowers were everywhere - she liked flowers. Make-up set and some other items were on the coffin too. Must be things that belonged to her or she liked very much. These brought back memories of Porpor's 婆婆 cremation, we cremated some of her study books together with her since she really wanted to study despite her age and circumstances.
I did go up to the viewing portal, taking one last look at her in her state of eternal rest. Her face seemed a bit swollen, most likely caused by the injuries, and the upper left of her skull appeared caved in. I felt sad, imagining the severity of her wounds, and thought the impact must have been real hard. Otherwise she looked peaceful, nicely made up, and sleeping. Memories of Gung Gung 公公 came back.
Next we queued up for the "pak kam" 白金 offering and guestbook signing. No doubt money can't buy back life, but it's a gesture from the visitors' side to help defray the cost of the funeral. And then received the customary small red packet with a sweet inside.
We met some salsa acquaintances there, mostly from her salsa school and those who knew her for some time. Chatted briefly with some of them, and a common thread of thought was, such an unexpected incident and she's gone. I could see the tears in some of their eyes. The feeling of sadness is very real. Who else came - relatives, cell group members, friends from various times in her life, and so on.
All in all the occasion felt gloomy and subdued with an underlying current of deep sorrow. Yet it evoked something in me, and made me go out to take action towards closure. Yes, to end one thing and move on to another.
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